London on Lockdown: An imbalance

It is Tuesday past my bedtime and the children are asleep! I have to come to a point in the week, where there are more tasks and less of me! Physically, the pains are back! My lower back, extreme cramping and swelling in the stomach has returned. You could say it is going to be that time in the month! However, since the operations in August 2018, I have not been the same. If I do not continue to stay fit and healthy; my body reacts really badly. The operations leave painful nostalgic emotions that have been dealt with but the feelings of dread, anxiety and anger return.

What has changed dramatically to make this imbalance physically, mentally and emotionally?

Like many other parents out there in this Lockdown, the children have just lost interest in what I have to say unless it is about food, snacks, TV, more snacks and helping with artwork. I find that each child takes it’s in turn to disregard what I say and now each child has full on meltdowns for even doing the simplest of tasks. I have found that it is best going back to basics. However, with lockdown what is truly left? Is it about discipline? Or tone of voice? Or the fact that occupying is possible if the day job is not consuming all of my brain power.

I need to have a serious think and I believe drastic measures are required to ensure harmony and some calmness back into this house. I have tried implementing ground rules, this has worked somewhat. I have tried creating an option and not a demand; this works only a few times. I have tried to discuss our feelings and build in exercise activity. I believe that children will feel if you are annoyed and frustrated and that you should maintain a clear structure and continue to look at areas of boredom and plenty of breaks. Also, I am one for not very much TV and I finding that I could truly throw the TV out of the window and I really would not care. The UK schools will not be opening up the new term to children of age 6, 7 or 8. This will mean long summers have begun for the children and further keeping them occupied is precedence in emotional wellbeing.

There have been many positives from the children being home. It seems my son likes to play tennis and is not so bad for novice who has just begun. The children enjoy trivia questions and I am poor at them; so together we are on a learning curve and they surprise me with their answers. They are keen little eaters and enjoy the culinary experiences on offer and they enjoy the relaxed moments of no work; chatting over food and even playing some bingo.

Finally, these children maybe annoying but without them there would no annoyances. Or looking at ways I can learn to become a better mother; continue to grow them and also always have their best interests at heart. There is loads more going on in the back of mind but for now I have filled them away and now is not a time to open pandora’s box of expectations, emotions and hopes for the future. Now, is the time to think about how can I increase ‘me’ time and less ‘stressed / anxious’ time as the expectations are set only by myself and no one else.

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